Washed By the Water

Don’t you just love it when something comes together when you didn’t really expect it to?  That’s how I feel about today’s art.  Last night, I started yet another piece to help me deal with a recent less than wonderful experience.  I left that encounter very disturbed by humanity and how very far we are from God’s intended design in how we treat one another.  The ugliness of that place lingered and aside from the obvious I couldn’t understand why.  Until I asked God – Ha, why is it I always try to figure it out on my own first! With His wisdom it became clear, once again, I was choosing to believe in the lie which tells me I am a failure.  I had this vision of a person kneeling on the bible as their foundation, broken and in need, while the cleansing water of God’s grace and forgiveness washed their sins away.  

This is my attempt to paint what he brought to my mind. It is based on: Hebrews 10:22-23 “let us draw near to God with a sincere heart and with the full assurance that faith brings, having our hearts sprinkled to cleanse us from a guilty conscience and having our bodies washed with pure water. Let us hold unswervingly to the hope we profess, for he who promised is faithful.”  

Washed By the Water
16x20 Acrylic on Canvas

He is faithful.  All he requires is a sincere and repentant heart and He will wash us clean. Amen!    

* Sorry the picture is a bit unclear and poorly cropped - the writing on the bible is Hebrews 10:22-23

In Progress

I've been working on a few pieces lately - as the mood strikes. I guess that is why none of them are finished. I've had a battle with the roller coaster lately - or rather the battle to not get on the roller coaster - so I decided to start yet another piece today to sort out my head. It's a combination of scriptures which have spoken deeply to me and a "vision" given to me during prayer. Vision is such a weird word but I don't really have any other way to describe how God communicates to me in color, pictures and emotion. I often wonder if this happens for anyone else; the mysterious, undefinable burst of technicolor images that flood me with feeling so deep it's like my very core was touched with the softest of whispers. Every once in a rare while they even come with scents; it's the craziest thing, my head.
So this is the beginning:

Still lots to do...maybe again tomorrow. Or, I will work on one of my other pieces. My abstract on grace has been on my mind quite a bit. It's been a bit neglected - roller coasters are not good for abstracts on grace. Well, unless maybe you're painting a abstract roller coaster which I'm not. So, no es bueno.

Hmmm...we shall see what tomorrow brings.
 

Questions, So Many Questions

Recently, I began working on a painting with no destination in mind – just thinking about some hard life questions.  As I worked at the canvas, slowly squiggles and lines evolved into the shape of flowers and bright colors turned to dark, bold colors. I decided to accept what it had evolved into, not because I really like what came out, but because I realized the process spoke to what was going on in my head at the time.   




Acceptance
16x20 Acrylic on Canvas

 

This piece is about acceptance - who I am, where I’ve been and where I am now.  And probably most importantly for my head, acceptance that I am NOT the sum of my mistakes and failures – these things do not rule me. When I come before my Lord with a repentant heart, I am set free.

It has been said to me “history is the best predictor of the future”; I didn’t like it much because honestly it seemed to me a way for the person to point out my defects and hold them against me. I’ve had time to think about that saying and I’ve decided I like it – a lot. I would have been wise to keep this in mind long ago, not because I will never be more than my mistakes (if that’s the case then why bother with the cross and the whole Jesus/salvation thing?) but because it reminds me that without daily choosing to submit to God and his will for my life I will repeat my history, without acknowledging my weaknesses I will never be filled with the power of the Holy Spirit which gives me the courage and strength to enact change. I accept that I am guilty of many hurtful words and actions. I accept there will be times of growth and times I will fall again -  only with God’s grace will I stand. I accept that God is writing a new story in me which He is the author of – I just need to walk where He leads.  





Fear & Trembling

Life has a way of getting busy and taking me away from the easel.  But she always calls me back and today she was shouting my name with a lot of force. This is probably because I had to revisit some hard growth steps today – oh, the people pleasing, co-dependent, enabler in me lives on – uhg! The good news is I choose to persevere in letting go of destructive thought patterns and reactions.  I am reminded (by a beautiful friend) that growth is a process lived out over time – and so today I will be encouraged that I caught my thoughts before they took over, acknowledged them to myself, God and another who can hold me accountable. Yep, growth in following God where he leads is a process which I’m learning often takes courage day by day and sometimes even minute by minute.  This leads me to the third piece of three I did for the November show.  This piece is different in that it’s multi-media.  Why – I don’t know – sometimes art just flows that way, I guess. This piece speaks of my frustration with myself and my choices, of fear that I will never get this life thing right, fear that I will always see myself as broken and unworthy…

Beautifully Imperfect
12x12

These are the words (poured out one afternoon to my art sisters) to this piece:

Consumed with the fire that’s melting me away
Piece by piece, bit by bit

Still hoping for the day

I’m brave enough to leave this pit behind

And I am scared of what isn’t there

How long till I figure this out?

How loud do I have to shout?

Beautifully imperfect seems what I am destined to be

Desperation, fear whisper in my ear

Telling me what I strain for is out of reach

Glimpses that come and go like the tides of the sea

Leaving me alone with nowhere to fall but my knees

And I am scared of what isn’t there

How long till I figure this out?

How loud do I have to shout?

Beautifully imperfect what I am destined to be

My head, oh it’s a crowded place

What’s dying is fighting hard to stay

Struggling intensely to embrace

The undefined gray of me

And I am scared of what isn’t there

How long till I figure this out?

How loud do I have to shout?

Beautifully imperfect it’s what I am destined to be

I still struggle with the imperfection of me but thankfully not as hard as that day. I know God sees the beauty in my imperfections because He sees the heart to follow him behind it.  So with God’s grace and the empowerment of the Holy Spirit I will continue to live out my faith with fear and trembling (Philippians 2:12) knowing that perfection is not my goal but instead following Christ to the places which make me uncomfortable, the places I can’t see or understand…and trusting He will make something beautiful out of my obedience.

Free Day!

Today is a gift of the unexpected! What I thought I would be doing today – turns out I’m not – so that means FREE DAY!! So much can be done on a free day – but really is it free if I fill it up with obligation and to-do list items? I think NOT – which is why at least a substantial part of this free day will be spent at my big, beautiful, red easel. This makes me supremely happy!

The fact that I will be arting it up today instead of to-doing it (my usual), is very apropos for today’s art post. This is the second piece I did out of three for the Swell Sister (an amazing group of women artists) Art Show in November.



Letting Go
 12x12 Acrylic on board



This piece originated with thoughts swirling in my head during a CR meeting (Celebrate Recovery). I’ve been going to CR since last spring – I’m sure it’s no surprise to anyone who really knows me that I’m a flaming co-dependent. Addiction/maturity/character issues – this girl will accept the blame and turn herself inside out to fix it for another – until she explodes ugliness all over the place. That’s the cycle – or it was the cycle until God got my attention about working on my own character/maturity issues and leaving other peoples crap to Him. It’s a journey – I fall, I get back up – I have good days and bad – but all in all I’m making progress in letting go of some very unhealthy stuff. This painting is about the process of letting go – letting go of destructive behaviors, relationships and thinking which have influenced my life and relationship with God.  

I'm off to enjoy my free day - I hope you enjoy yours!

Happy New Year!

Welcome to my art blog. I'm glad you stopped by (insert a huge smile here).
Once upon a time, I had a website for my art work - which was always hopelessly out of date (I'm shaking my head sadly). I decided just posting pics on a website was silly since the thing about art is each piece is birthed from a place of inspiration which is really only clear to the one who created it - Right?! Mmhmm, I've been asked more times than I can count some version of "So, what were you thinking?"  So, this blog is my feeble attempt to share my art and talk about the meaning behind each piece. Here I go!

Oh, Little Girl 11x14 Acrylic on Board
This is a piece I made for an art show in November. At the time I was reading a book, How We Love, by Milan and Kay Yerkovich (BTW - I highly recommend) and I was very inspired by the things I was learning about myself, how I learned about love as a child and how this plays out in my relationships now. I was awake wrestling with God over my brokenness one night and these words poured out:

Born in the quiet that ripped like a knife / Tossed this way and that / Holding on to the string of a family life / Looking for where love is truly at

Knees trembling, she jumps into the fray / A hole through the heart and not enough air / Somehow she always thought she’d find a way / Doubt slowly churning into despair

 And they shouted

Hey little girl, why‘re you crying?

Pick yourself up, don’t give up trying

Wipe away those messy tears

Ain’t no such thing as pain and fears

And He whispered,

Oh little girl, are you lost again?

Turn around you’ll find your best friend

There’s no one who will hold you like me

Rest your weary head, I’ve paid the fee

Broken, bruised, battered, abused/ Didn’t find what she was looking for /  Round and round, Heartbroken and  confused / Always left hungry for more

She’s been wading through the mire / Keeping her eyes wide shut / Never did get her get any higher / She wonders how she got cut

And they shouted

Hey little girl, why‘re you crying?

Pick yourself up, don’t give up trying

Wipe away those messy tears

Ain’t no such thing as pain and fears

And He whispered,

Oh little girl, are you lost again?

Turn around you’ll find your best friend

There’s no one who will hold you like me

Rest your weary head, I’ve paid the fee

She held out as long as she could / Dug deep, tried to ride out the storm / Thinking, If only she could’ve stood / She puts a smile on her face, struggling to perform

Wisdom and forgiveness she knows hard to learn / Desperate now to take it all back / In the deepest shadows she feels the burn / But that scale, it has quite a stack

And they shouted

Hey little girl, why‘re you crying?

Pick yourself up, don’t give up trying

Wipe away those messy tears

Ain’t no such thing as pain and fears

And He whispered,

Oh little girl, are you lost again?

Turn around you’ll find your best friend

There’s no one who will hold you like me

Rest your weary head, I’ve paid the fee

So, the girl in the painting represents me as a child, in my childish ways and childish thinking. She represents how I've taken this little girl out into the world with me and engaged in relationships which bore the pain of her childish ways. The light around her is the gentle whisper of The One who loves her - The One who will heal her heart and mature her in knowledge and wisdom.  Jesus.

Thank you for letting me share with you - another post to come soon.